How can I stop self-sabotaging behaviours, increase my self-esteem and build confidence?

I can`t do it, i`m not worthy, I must be perfect, I must not make a mistake, i am not googd enough, nobody loves meThe Voice Dialogue Online Program enables you to understand the origins of low self-esteem and lack of confidence. It gives you a simple, clear strategy for increasing self-esteem, building confidence and leading a happier, more fulfilling life.

That Negative Voice in Our Heads

It never stops, that voice in your head. It has your ear when you stand on the bathroom scales or look in the mirror: “You should lose weight!” it says, “You need to do something about those wrinkles; your hair is a mess!” There are times when nothing you do seems good enough for it: “You should work harder!” “You don’t rest enough!” “You will never be perfect!!” This is the voice of your Inner Critic and in the face of its attack, no wonder you suffer from low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

Following the rules

The role of your Inner Critic is to act as a kind of internal policeman and have you follow the rules of your family, society and culture so that you will “fit in” and be accepted. And in today’s world there are more and more rules. Adverts set the standard for how you should look, what you should wear, how you should smell, what you should eat, how you should relax. Films show you the perfect male and female physiques, the perfect way to kiss and make love, the perfect romantic relationship you should have. Personal development programmes exhort you to be more sensitive, more assertive, more sensual, more aware…..

Stop Self-Sabotaging Behaviours 

There’s simply no way we can ever live up to all these rules and be perfect. With so many of them to follow, your Inner Critic is in a constant state of anxiety and always on your case. It is easy to see why “should” and “shouldn’t” are two of your Inner Critic’s favourite words - sometimes whispered sotto voce, sometimes bellowed full force. The understandable response to this attack is often to retrench, give up and stop trying.

The way to overcome this self-sabotaging behaviour is to learn how to separate from your Inner Critic, find the rules that it is trying to enforce, and then consciously decide whether there is any merit in them. As this happens its voice becomes less strident and absolute. Instead of your foe, your Inner Critic transforms into a trusted adviser and friend, and the self-sabotaging stops.

Test Your Self-Esteem

For each statement, rate yourself on a three-point scale of:

Rarely = 1 About Average = 3 Frequently = 5



When you have finished, add your score.

  • I wake up at night worried about the mistakes that I have made the day before.
  • I replay conversations after I have had them to see what I’ve done wrong.
  • I don’t like the way my clothes look on me.
  • When I’m with other people, I wonder if they are critical of me.
  • I’m cautious of trying anything new because I’m afraid of looking foolish.
  • I’m afraid people will laugh at me.
  • I worry about what other people think.
  • I often feel inferior to other people.
  • I wish I had a more attractive body.
  • When I look in the mirror, I check to see what’s wrong with me.
  • When I read over something I’ve written, I’m not satisfied with it.
  • I’m afraid there is something basically wrong with me.
  • I wonder what other people would think of me if they really knew what I was like underneath.
  • I compare myself with other people.
  • I seem to attract judgemental people.
  • I question my decisions after I have made them and think that I might have done better.
  • When I say ‘No’ I feel guilty.
  • When I take a test like this, I’m sure that I don’t do as well as other people.
  • I avoid taking risks if I can avoid it.
  • When I think about self-improvement I feel that there is something wrong with me that needs to be fixed.

Your Self-Esteem Score

Compare your score with the key below and determine how much influence your Inner Critic has in your life and the consequent effect on your self-esteem and confidence:

 1 – 45

A moderate Inner Critic and therefore good self-esteem.

 46 – 75

A harsh Inner Critic and low self-esteem.

 76 – 100

A killer Inner Critic and very low self-esteem.

Increase Self-Esteem, Build Confidence

The Inner Critic is just one of several inner voices that can influence our lives in a negative way. This Voice Dialogue Online Program will show you how you can take charge of these voices and lead a less-stressful, more empowered life. You will discover how you can befriend your Inner Critic and deal effectively with the underlying vulnerabilities that fuel its anxiety. This will naturally lead to increased self-esteem and greater confidence.

For more information about self-sabotaging behaviours go to:


Basic Program:
E-learning Plus:

Discover how to deal with negative thoughts.
Turn your "Inner Enforcer" into a trusted ally and friend.


John and Michael discuss how to improve self-esteem and confidence....


 Stop self-sabotaging behaviour, increase self-esteem, build confidence! Click to Play the Video



  • Increase self-esteem and build confidence

  • Stop self-sabotaging behaviour

  • Be resilient in the face of criticism and judgment

  • Make the decisions that move you forward more quickly

  • Achieve inner peace and calm